Advantages of Being an Only Child
Being an only child is often viewed as troublesome, and there is a tendency to present the only child as selfish, spoiled, lonely, and without the ability to easily make friends or get along well with others. Traditionally, psychologists and laymen alike have accepted and perpetuated these notions of only children. In a comprehensive 1977 review of psychological literature, psychologist Toni Falbo reported that in articles and textbooks written by experts, the presence of siblings in a home was universally predicted to have pros and cons, but only negative consequences were listed for the absence of siblings, as in single-child homes. However, this presumptively pessimistic view of the only child has begun to shift in recent years, particularly among parents with hectic schedules, who are increasingly recognising that taking on the responsibility of just one child is highly advantageous. But what about from the viewpoint of the only child? As it turns out, there are indeed advantages of being the only child in the home.
Turned on its head, the selfish-and-spoiled argument might be understandably viewed with enthusiasm by an only child because he or she will receive all of the attention and resources. Without a sibling, only children get the full focus of their parents. When they need comfort or affection, they receive it in bunches. If they want to show off a new skill they learned in gymnastics class, they have all eyes on them and get showered with praise, or at worst, individual instruction and encouragement. The same is true when it comes to material wants and needs. On special occasions, such as Christmas, when gifts are involved, the only child gets the entire loot, or in the case of inheritance, the family assets do not have to be divided but can simply be passed on to a single individual. From this material side of things, the magnitude of the benefit to the single child is probably most striking in households with low or modest incomes. For example, an only child would not have to ever share a bedroom, and his or her family is more likely to be able to pay for a college education than a family with similar income and more kids.
Similarly, the only child grows up free from the stress and anxiety that can result from sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry is the competition and jealousy that commonly occurs between brothers and sisters, and it generally starts immediately after the birth of the second child. It initially results from the first child getting less attention than before, and over time, it manifests itself in new ways as children begin to more firmly define themselves as individuals and establish their own unique identities, separate from any comparisons to their siblings. This can result in high levels of stress for children and parents. Obviously, this can be avoided in households with only one child. The only child thus has somewhat of an insulated environment in which to live, and overall, more peaceful. Moreover, the lack of competitive friction may lead to more receptiveness toward the accomplishments of others later in life. In The Guardian, columnist Emma Kennedy, an only child, wrote, “because I grew up with no experience of sibling rivalry, I have no professional jealousy. I have never, not once, looked at one of my peers and begrudged them for their success.”
Another notable virtue is that only children aspire to be high achievers and tend to be self-motivated. Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist who was an only child himself, argues that this results from the fact that only children spend so much time around adults and have comparatively little peer influence. He says that only children tend to seek approval and affirmation from their parents, but are characterised by high self-esteem and are not intimidated by their parents’ authority. And they carry this same attitude of confidence into their interactions with authority figures, such as teachers or coaches, outside their homes. Only children are right at home communicating with adults on an adult level, and often give the impression that they are mature beyond their years due to their tendency to take on adult mannerisms and ways of speaking. This “power of adult association” is self-perpetuating because of compliments, such as “You act like such a grownup” or “You are so mature for your age.” Such reassuring feedback leads only children to be even more ambitious in their desire to acquire adult traits, including high competence in learned tasks. Pickhardt pointed out that these children typically want to close the gap between them and the abilities of adults as quickly as possible. As a result, parents of only children usually do not have to put pressure on them to achieve. Whether it is studying for an exam, practising for a big game, or even a simple task like cooking, only children go the extra mile in their preparation and attempts at mastery. And if celebrity is any indication of achievement, the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Elizabeth Taylor, Drew Barrymore, Al Pacino, Robert de Niro—the list goes on and on—were all only children.
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